Dear unappreciated,

Dear Nerdy Novice,

I’m so glad I came across this blog! I can use some advice really bad. My boyfriend and I live together. We have a 4 yr old daughter and I do everything and all he does is sit on that stupid PlayStation of his! I’m so frustrated I want to scream! He doesn’t even seem to appreciate anything I do! I make his dinner, cater to his friends, and take care of our daughter. I love him I really do! I am just so overwhelmed and don’t know how to approach it without starting a fight. I’ve asked my friends and all I get is LEAVE HIM or STOP DOING IT! Those are not options to me!!! Please don’t tell me to do those things, Help please!!!

Sincerely,

Katy M.

Dear Unappreciated,

I would never tell anyone to give up so easily on a relationship. As it is, too many people walk away too fast without truly trying to work towards a good relationship. All relationships take hard work and if you love someone you are willing to put that work in. I commend you for reaching out and wanting to work for your relationship.  Communication is key! But also one of the hardest things for some people. For our other readers: How often do you feel under-appreciated in a relationship? You cook, clean, go to work, take care of the kids, take the kids places or even do something small for your partner and you just don’t feel they see all the things you do in the relationship and for them? (male or female) If you are feeling this way, maybe your partner feels this way as well. But what if some things we do are the things that are truly appreciated and we don’t even know our partners appreciate them?

Unappreciated, try an appreciation box, so you both can see the things that each other appreciate about each other, or maybe it can help your partner see all the things they may take for granted! It seems easy at first… but wait a bit and even you will find this to be tough! But it really makes couples see the other!

Find 2 boxes or even get a couple bags… grab some paper and a pen! Put these things together either in the kitchen or a common area… you and your partner set who’s box/bag is who’s… maybe tie a ribbon on one or make them different colors. Throughout the day, starting in the am, tear off a piece of paper and write something that you appreciate about your partner and place it in that partners box/bag. If you or your partner leave during the day take it with you! Have at least 10 pieces of paper by the time bedtime comes around. Then sit together and read them.

In the beginning, your partner may not catch everything you do. Do not get discouraged. You probably didn’t catch everything either! But the real catch here is if you repeat something the next day you also have to add something new on the same paper. After a few days, you will eventually run out of things to say… this will make each partner truly look deeper at the other!

We can appreciate many things. Maybe it’s a smile first thing in the morning or that someone made the coffee. You can add your own rules. Maybe make less papers or add a neutral feelings box! (Highly recommended) This box will stay at home and you both will add to it! Always start the note with “I feel (add an emotion)”. For example, “I feel tired. I feel I run too much in the evenings and would love help some days getting the kids to their activities”. Or “I feel frustrated. I feel frustrated because when I get home from work I really need some down time before doing anything else”. NEVER use the word “you”! This will make you think very hard on how to word your thoughts and feelings without placing blame and putting your partner on a defensive thought process. This is called “I you” language. Say what you need without blaming the other party. If I said to you “You never do anything” you will automatically shut down and get defensive. But if I reworded it saying “I feel like I could really use some help” it is received better. (It’s like that saying honey attracts better than vinegar). Another example “ I feel sad. I feel sad that we never watch tv together anymore. Maybe we can find a couple nights to do this together”. Always give a solution that would make the situation better. This will help you and your partner know what the other needs. It will also help each person look closely at each other’s feelings and help communicate them to the other. Maybe for your situation, start with “I feel frustrated and overwhelmed. I feel frustrated and overwhelmed because I don’t feel appreciated for all I do. It would really help me feel better to hear that I am appreciated. I feel overwhelmed and I feel it would really help if we could take turns making dinner or giving our daughter baths during the week”. I hope this helps! I wish you the best of luck and would love to hear how this goes for you!! Till next time, love and light always and good vibes to all!

Dear Nerdy Novice!

I have been contemplating on adding advice posts. I want people to feel free to open up and ask whatever their little curious hearts desire. Meanwhile, I can try to reply to each weekly, or as they come in. As a psychology major I would love to use my degree to help people. Questions can be sent to nerdynoviceadvice@gmail.com. We shall see how this goes and where it may lead! Always looking for new adventures! I have been told by a multitude of people over the years I should be doing this, so I am all about giving it a whirl! Never worry about judgement from me as I am a huge believer in we are not here to make judgments, but to lend a hand to all that need because we have all been in that “need” place before. ❤️please note if asked something I’m not familiar with, I will take the time to educate myself on the matter before answering… this may take some time so please be patient so I can give the best advice possible! Till next time, love and light always and good vibes to all!

A RAMBLING BOX

I watched a movie the other day and something caught my attention and has now been stuck in my head since. It seems to be a bit sad… but yet there is so much truth in it, I cant stop really deeply contemplating it. Think of a box. The image is easy to bring up in your mind… It seems simple enough but how often do you think of a box? According to Merriam-Webster, a box as a “container with or without a cover”. Honestly, it should consume your life a bit and we never really think of it unless we are packing something. Yet, we are born in a box, live in a box, drive in a box on wheels, and we die in a box. We get our food in boxes. We stare at a box all day, if its not a phone it is the TV. We find most of our entertainment in a box: movies, theaters, gaming systems, computers, tablets, pools and even things as big as Broadway! Most reading is done in boxes now with e-books. Our lives are spent revolving in a box, even our bodies could be considered a box for our soul. You can even break down the above things… How many boxes do you have in your home? Each room, closet or cupboard. Our box phones have apps contained in boxes. We lay on boxes to sleep. The term “think outside the box” is used describing the brain, to tell people to think beyond what our minds normally think. Is it strange to just realize this? How our lives seem to be spent in a box. No matter what we do, we will always be in a box. As sad as it does seem, I will make the best of my box! I hope you do as well! Till next time, love and light always and good vibes to all (even if they are in a box!!)

OH HOLY FREE STUFF BATMAN!!!

I can’t even begin to express how excited I am at this exact moment!!! The BFF got me started last week on a survey website (it is not referral based, so no benefits for her in telling me about it. Not any that I can see anyway.) I have to say, I am not big on these types of sites. I find I put in TONS of effort, with little return. Not here!! And to be exact, I have put in very little effort and I am already seeing the return! Well, by the 8th of August anyway. Let me tell you how this works. The site is called BzzAgent.com and after an easy sign-up, you are presented with tons of small, several question surveys. These are super easy to do! Most were only two to four questions long. Once the bulk of these surveys are completed, you get one or two here and there. I haven’t had one in days. Overall, they are trying to find out what you and your family’s interest are, if you have animals, children, and so forth as well as what products fit for your family. Based on your interest you are given what they call campaigns. The campaigns are where the awesome starts!! Today, I received my first campaign. I was notified by email that I could accept this campaign, which I did. They gave me a detailed list of what I would receive as well as what was expected of me after I received my “gift”. Because I have two children and we are all game lovers they are sending me a new product to try and review. I am getting a Monopoly game that I can customize with my family’s pictures!!! I will be getting this game by the 8th of August! WHAT?!?! A FREE MONOPOLY GAME!! REALLY?!?! And all I have to do is write/blog about it?? YES!!! I also get coupons to give to friends for $5 off any Monopoly game and a coupon for a free picture book from Shutterfly!!! I don’t even have to pay shipping! Not a dime out of my pocket!! I have been told by the BFF that when I get the Shutterfly picture book that there is shipping required on that, but hello!!! Ok!! I am still getting a $30 dollar picture book and only having to pay a small price to ship it! And my Monopoly game free and clear!! I can even choose not to use the Shutterfly coupon, so there is absolutely no money out of my pocket! Oh how I LOVE free! My BFF has reported getting free dog food, toys such as My Littlest Petshop, and so much more!! Her last box, which she received today, was valued at around $100!! Big boxes like that are rare but even in the smaller boxes you seem to get so much! So, needless to say, you will be seeing a review of the personalized Monopoly game soon! I am very happy to trade up a little time for free products! This all happened so fast too! I am over ecstatic and more than pleased with this site so far… Haha keywords being “so far”. But, I will continue to blog about my experience even though this post, nor my experience of the website itself is required. Only my experience with the actual products that they send me are required. And even the word “required” seems to be extreme. Pretty much, if I want to continue to get the awesome boxes, and these campaigns more frequently then I need to share my thoughts on the products I get. HAPPY!! HAPPY!! HAPPY!!