Dear unappreciated,

Dear Nerdy Novice,

I’m so glad I came across this blog! I can use some advice really bad. My boyfriend and I live together. We have a 4 yr old daughter and I do everything and all he does is sit on that stupid PlayStation of his! I’m so frustrated I want to scream! He doesn’t even seem to appreciate anything I do! I make his dinner, cater to his friends, and take care of our daughter. I love him I really do! I am just so overwhelmed and don’t know how to approach it without starting a fight. I’ve asked my friends and all I get is LEAVE HIM or STOP DOING IT! Those are not options to me!!! Please don’t tell me to do those things, Help please!!!

Sincerely,

Katy M.

Dear Unappreciated,

I would never tell anyone to give up so easily on a relationship. As it is, too many people walk away too fast without truly trying to work towards a good relationship. All relationships take hard work and if you love someone you are willing to put that work in. I commend you for reaching out and wanting to work for your relationship.  Communication is key! But also one of the hardest things for some people. For our other readers: How often do you feel under-appreciated in a relationship? You cook, clean, go to work, take care of the kids, take the kids places or even do something small for your partner and you just don’t feel they see all the things you do in the relationship and for them? (male or female) If you are feeling this way, maybe your partner feels this way as well. But what if some things we do are the things that are truly appreciated and we don’t even know our partners appreciate them?

Unappreciated, try an appreciation box, so you both can see the things that each other appreciate about each other, or maybe it can help your partner see all the things they may take for granted! It seems easy at first… but wait a bit and even you will find this to be tough! But it really makes couples see the other!

Find 2 boxes or even get a couple bags… grab some paper and a pen! Put these things together either in the kitchen or a common area… you and your partner set who’s box/bag is who’s… maybe tie a ribbon on one or make them different colors. Throughout the day, starting in the am, tear off a piece of paper and write something that you appreciate about your partner and place it in that partners box/bag. If you or your partner leave during the day take it with you! Have at least 10 pieces of paper by the time bedtime comes around. Then sit together and read them.

In the beginning, your partner may not catch everything you do. Do not get discouraged. You probably didn’t catch everything either! But the real catch here is if you repeat something the next day you also have to add something new on the same paper. After a few days, you will eventually run out of things to say… this will make each partner truly look deeper at the other!

We can appreciate many things. Maybe it’s a smile first thing in the morning or that someone made the coffee. You can add your own rules. Maybe make less papers or add a neutral feelings box! (Highly recommended) This box will stay at home and you both will add to it! Always start the note with “I feel (add an emotion)”. For example, “I feel tired. I feel I run too much in the evenings and would love help some days getting the kids to their activities”. Or “I feel frustrated. I feel frustrated because when I get home from work I really need some down time before doing anything else”. NEVER use the word “you”! This will make you think very hard on how to word your thoughts and feelings without placing blame and putting your partner on a defensive thought process. This is called “I you” language. Say what you need without blaming the other party. If I said to you “You never do anything” you will automatically shut down and get defensive. But if I reworded it saying “I feel like I could really use some help” it is received better. (It’s like that saying honey attracts better than vinegar). Another example “ I feel sad. I feel sad that we never watch tv together anymore. Maybe we can find a couple nights to do this together”. Always give a solution that would make the situation better. This will help you and your partner know what the other needs. It will also help each person look closely at each other’s feelings and help communicate them to the other. Maybe for your situation, start with “I feel frustrated and overwhelmed. I feel frustrated and overwhelmed because I don’t feel appreciated for all I do. It would really help me feel better to hear that I am appreciated. I feel overwhelmed and I feel it would really help if we could take turns making dinner or giving our daughter baths during the week”. I hope this helps! I wish you the best of luck and would love to hear how this goes for you!! Till next time, love and light always and good vibes to all!

Readers block!! 12 ways to break FREE!!

Most of us have all heard the term writer’s block, the inability to form new ideas for a book they are composing or to form new work all together. Recently, I have heard of the phrase readers block, probably because I am currently suffering from it myself. I am lost, just completely at wits end. This term refers to a reader’s inability to read or find interest in reading. To some this is an absolutely crazy thought! It would have been to me as well if I had not experienced it myself first hand.

My first thoughts were: How is this possible? Why, when this is my life line, my tie to sanity?!?! I have gone through this several times before and overcame it pretty quickly. But, here I am again… Lost. I am currently in the middle of the fourth book of a six book series. It is amazing don’t get me wrong! It’s the block I tell you! Interest in the story is not lacking but the interest to read, that is the issue. If I make myself read, I can’t put it down. But, usually for me I have to at some point, and there is the problem. I can’t seem to get back to picking it up! Before, I always had a book in hand. I would hide in the bathroom if I had to just to get the next page in!! When I couldn’t read due to kids or other things, I still had the overwhelming desire to read and couldn’t wait to get back!! Not so much at the moment.

So, why does this happen? I don’t know. Maybe it’s stress, lack of stimulation, the body is tired, depression, or we are just burnt out (is that really even possible!!). I usually burn through 6-10 books a week, so, sure it’s possible. The most important question though, is what do we do about it??? My first step was research! I need a cure NOW! My usual things are just not cutting it. Below is a list of things I have used before and things I have come across while researching about readers block. To each their own, hopefully one of these will bring back normalcy for all of us that are silently suffering.

1) Change up your reading style!
If you read actual books, go to a reading device such as an iPad, Kindle, your phone, or any other device. If you read on an electronic device, change it up to an actual book. There is nothing like the feel of the pages, the smell, or the overall comfort of an actual book. This has helped me before. I use to do this often and switch between books and my iPad. I just get all excited even thinking about going to a book store or to the library!!

2) Use your ears not your eyes!
Listen to a book. The library has many audio books. To get out of this funk go grab one! Try it out! You can even listen for free on the internet at certain websites. Some of the first adult books I ever really enjoyed as a child were audio while my mother and I would take long trips. They are soothing and it can bring back excitement with little effort.

3) Designate a reading time!
Set a time frame everyday that you will read. Make it happen if you want to or not. Get over this hump!! Find something from the library that has a waiting list. When it’s your turn you will have to read it in a certain time frame because you will have to return it and others are waiting for it.

4) Give yourself a break!
Go get on Netflix and find a show. Emerge yourself into it and television binge! Watch all the episodes you can get. Or catch up on all the movies you have been missing. If you find shows that match your favorite reading genre it may spark the life back into you. If you look outside your favorite genre you may crave the excitement of your old genre or find something new to enjoy! This is how I overcame my last reader’s block. Even go as far as to watch the movies that were based on the books you have read. *cringe*
Other than television and shows you could game. I love my Xbox and a few days of playing Call of Duty usually can get me begging for my books again if I am in a block or not! If you don’t have a gaming system, find a game on the computer or phone. It’s ok to get addicted you will get tired of it eventually and it will get old.

5) Dumb it down!
Read something simple. Read a fast short read, a Young Adult, short stories. Something that you love and will help rekindle that spark.

6) Reread
Read your favorite book or series. This can help you remember why you love it and bring the excitement back full force!

7) Change genre!
Change it up! Find something new and exciting! Explore new authors. Go to Goodreads and find something that has amazing ratings. Read something you wouldn’t usually wouldn’t read.

8) Make yourself want it!
Start a book and after ten pages stop! Go back and read ten more pages. Eventually it’s going to stop you at a point you do not want to. Just keep doing that. Eventually, you will just refuse to put it down.

9) Write
Start a story of your own involving your favorite genre. You will either come to the point you will need inspiration or where you just want an ending to something… Anything. You just want a finished story. Go crazy with it. Don’t write to publish but for therapy, to create, to find your dreams. Whenever you get in a reading funk, go back to your story and add to it.

10) Buck up and just DO IT!!
Make yourself read. Sit down and plan an all-nighter. Do this when you can eliminate distractions. Have the kids go to a friends or grandmas, send the hubby to the man cave, give the wife a night for girl time, and go at it!!

11) Incorporate people!
Call a friend that reads! Have them talk books and tell you all the amazing things they have read lately. Join a book discussion or a book club. Let people motivate you and get you hyped!!

12) Find boredom!
Sit! Do nothing! I mean absolutely nothing. But then again if you are like me, boredom does not exist! There is always something I need to do with two kids running around. So try doing something that you dislike or is not in the slightest bit interesting. Read something boring! You will be pining for something good!!

Well there you go! 4 and 10 are my go to’s! Hope this helps give you some direction. Even after writing this I am more motivated to go read!! Let’s do it!!! Happy reading!!!